I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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