hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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