Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
