I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
