Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The air was thick with penises
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
