i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The air taste purple.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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