Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
