dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
