Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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