Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
