I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
