I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize