I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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