my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
