Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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