you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
