I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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