I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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