Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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