My nipple is on Facebook.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
