I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
