So drunk its hurt
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
