he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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