you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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