I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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