Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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