just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
