and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
