she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
