someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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