He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
