I wanna bring you to show and tell
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
