dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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