think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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