There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
