peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
