Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
