how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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