The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
