Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
