Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
