You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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