Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dick very happy bro
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
