Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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