A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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