oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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