By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
