Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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