sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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