I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
