after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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