she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
