i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
