he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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