He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
