I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
