it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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