I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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