That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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