so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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