when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
