I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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