She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
