I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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