you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
