Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
