Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
