So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
