This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
