He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
