i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
