I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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