Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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