How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
