What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
