Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
