Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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