tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize