i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
