Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
