my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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