Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize