how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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