He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Randomize
