Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize