I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
