Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
