Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
