i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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