would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
