Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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