I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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