Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
