Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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