I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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