so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
