I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize