people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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