please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
