i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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