My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
