I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
