I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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