Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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