shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
