You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
