I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
jump out the window naked night went bad
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize