Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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