I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
