What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I understand Curling. That high.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
