They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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