i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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