You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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