Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize