Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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