bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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