you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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